Echoes of a Dream

Help - I'm having a crisis.

Isn't it amazing how things happen and they shake you up something rotten and then you look back and say "I'm so glad that happened" because they help you to stop, reflect and move on?

In the last fourteen days I've been shaken to my core as you know by some criticism. Then seven days ago one of our kittens got knocked over in front of our very eyes and we spent most of Sunday crying. On top of that Amber said something which hit me like a bolt. I was telling her off for shouting at her brothers and she said something like, well what about you, you shout at us about the most trivial of things. I sat with that comment, and cried over the cat last Sunday and to finish it all off Ali sent me a list of questions about why we blog which set me thinking on that front.

It all went into the great big melting pot that is my overactive brain and for the last few days I've really been reflecting on who I am and what I do. It occurred to me that for the last year or so I have been living out of integrity. What is integrity? To me it's honouring my word and my commitments. It's being true to my principles and to myself.  You see fourteen years ago I made a commitment to stay at home and bring up my children and somewhere along the line I forgot that. Because I forgot to make a commitment to myself at the same time, to nurture myself in the process, the last few years have left me drained and empty.

I noticed (as I reflected) how I was desperate to have time to myself these days and to do things that were just mine. Cue the crafting and the blog - both served to fill an emptiness in me. They were things that I did for myself and were separate from the family. They gave me a sense of individuality that I had lost being at home. All was fine at first. My priority was still the home and I crafted after the children went to bed. Then I started selling at the christmas fair and during the autumn term I sewed madly whenever I could but I always new that it would stop at the beginning of December. It meant that I was free to concentrate on a great advent and christmas and in the new year the children and I played and mucked around with never a sight of a sewing needle. I had time to read and knit in a leisurely fashion too.

But then came blogging and like most of you I threw myself into it with gusto. What a world there was out there and so many like minded people. What crafts and patterns and ideas floated around in blogosphere. Hungrily, greedily I lapped it all up and for a while it filled the void that had developed over the years. The balance was fine at first but when you have a blog you need something to write about don't you and as mine was a craft blog I found myself making things all year round. That was great at first. Look at what I've learned and done over the whole eighteen months of blogging - the plant dyeing, all the softies I've made, the dolls, the felted jumper bags, etc etc. It's been wonderful to have really stretched my crafting skills and to have discovered other talents. But more than that look at the great connections I've made through the blog and all the lovely comments I get. Let's not forgot my amazing holiday either.

However, I began to find that thinking about what to write, the words to use, actually writing a post, reading my comments and replying to them and finally reading other blogs and commenting began to take over my life a bit. I also made myself a craft room and whereas once I sat at the kitchen table and sewed, chatting with the children all the while, I was now often esconsed in my room. Suddenly the balance shifted without me noticing.

The events of the last two weeks then have thrown all this up in my face and thank goodness too. I've realised that I've been spreading myself too thinly and that I really need to re-assess my commitments and then to find a balance in my life. I'm not sure what I'll decide about blogging and crafting to be honest. At the moment I just need a break from it all. I can't imagine not making things anymore so I guess that I may just slow down a bit on that front but as for blogging .........hmmm. I'm not sure whether to stop or continue.

I'd be very interested in hearing your comments on that and also to know how you find balance in your lives. Thank you friends for reading my mid-life whatever and sorry for the lack of photos ..............

Birthdays, fetes and the polo

You'll have to bear with me today I'm afraid, if this post sounds more like a diary entry. I've been up since 7 o'clock this (Sunday morning) making rolls for lunch and our weekly bread (I've gotten back into breadmaking after a break of three months). Of course, I 'm asking myself why I didn't do it all yesterday but we were out last night at a barn dance in the village hall and I'm a great one for leaving things till the last minute.

This hectic morning only rounds off a hectic weekend really which started on Friday afternoon with Rohan's birthday party. This year he decided he didn't want to have a party at home and had 'outgrown' all the traditional party games. So he opted to go ten-pin bowling with four friends and to have a treasure hunt afterwards. Two of the friends were to stay over. All good and well except that this was the weather for most of Friday:

and we just prayed that it would hold off at 7pm so he could go off around the village hunting for the treasure. Amazingly, it did hold off - just. I'm Glad to say that an 11 year old young lad did go to bed pretty content that night although he did say "on no, I didn't have pass the parcel?". I said I thought he didn't want those games anymore - seems he did really!

I am so lucky that my children have never really been into these so called 'sleepovers' and this was the first one that Rohan had had in a year. I mean, what is the point? The poor child is completely washed out the next day from a lack of sleep and you're pretty frustrated having moaned at them constantly to please go to sleep. Ours wasn't too bad with Rohan claiming to have fallen asleep by around midnight but his two friends kept talking way longer.

Anyway, after a hearty breakfast we packed off the friends next morning and went to a summer fete in the afternoon. I wish I had taken my camera to show you how quaint some English fetes are but alas I did not. There are plenty more coming up so I will try and remember next time. Then in the evening our neighbour was celebrating his 80th birthday with a ceilidh in the village hall. He's the one that had the baby owl perched in his tree so I gave him one of my owls for a present. It was such a fun evening with lots of energetic dancing and a neighbour remarked that it was bit like the scene in 'Local Hero' when they had their ceilidh. It's such a fun way to spend the evening and the children can join in too (which they did). I'm going to have one for my 50th birthday - which is a bit of a way off, sadly! Why wait till then you ask. Well, we'll have been married twenty years and Amber will be eighteen too that year so it seems like we should mark it all in a big way. You'll all be invited of course, so you'd better start saving up now.

That leads me to Sunday morning. It's Father's Day today so Amber is already downstairs making something yummy for breakfast. Did I tell you that she cooked the whole of the tea for Rohan's birthday party? She's a wonder that girl. Feeling a bit useless I decided to make some elderflower cordial as the flowers are almost past it. The recipe is here if you want to try it:

Now guess where we're going today? You'll never guess. We're going to the Polo. We won tickets at last year's school fair and I put them away and nearly forgot about them. Thankfully, the lady that donated them called me to remind me. I've never been to a Polo match before and we're all very excited. I wonder if we'll see the Prince and his boys? That's why I'm up early getting together a picnic and whilst the dough is rising I thought I'd quickly check in here.

I gotta go now but I want to give you a sneak peak of another bag I'm working on:

Hope you're having a great weekend and to all those patiently waiting for plant dyed wool on Etsy I will be bagging it up on Monday and hoping to list asap.

Seven facts about me

I've been tagged twice now to do this 'seven facts about me' and I guess I can't really ignore it anymore. So here goes -

Seven random facts about me:

1. I've had three caesarians - the first was an emergency and contributed to my post natal depression, I'm sure. The second, I was two weeks late and fearing another emergency c-section I elected for one. The surgeon said it was good I didn't go into labour as my scar had started to seperate inside! Why did I have to be the 1 in 1000 woman (or whatever the statisitic is). With the third, they obviously wouldn't let me have anything other than a caesarian. I came to terms with it all eventually......

2. I can't swim - sadly and have a fear of water ever since I jumped into the deep end of a swimming pool playing 'Doctor Foster.....' when I was about 8 or 9. The system badly let me down at primary and secondary schools and I never did learn. I tried many years ago but I just hate water coming up over my face.........

3. I lived in Japan from 1985-1987 and came home on the Trans-Siberian Railway from Beijing. We went through China, Mongolia, Russia and then I got a stomach bug in St Petersburg and just made it to Berlin. Luckily, I was staying with a friend there and he drove me to Dusseldorf from where I flew home.

4. I've never carried much in my handbag. These days it has a cheque book, wallet, purse (for coins), a pen and some lipsalve in it. I do have about six bags though.

5. I'm still really close to my ex-boyfriend's parents and infact they are like surrogate parents and grandparents to us. I still see his brothers too and a few months ago he called himself and came over to meet the children. He's bringing his children over next month. It was so funny he went round our house saying things like ' Simmy, I'm sure that painting is mine. Didn't I buy it in Japan?'  and he told the children funny anecdotes about me that they loved. BTW we're really good friends with Tom's first girlfriend too......

6. I was supposed to have an arranged marriage but from about the age of 14 I knew it wasn't for me. I went out with above boyfriend for about 6 years and my parents never knew. It was easy as I was at Uni and then went to Japan. When Tom and I decided to get married my folks took it really badly and there was a lot of emotional blackmail but they accepted it in the end. Now, they think Tom is the bees knees and they love him to bits. They love the grandchildren too despite the fact that there's a language barrier - my father speaks no English and my children don't speak Punjabi. I'm really proud of my parents for that.

7. I can be a bit obsessive - I've watched 'When Harry Met Sally' about eight times. I've read 'The Magus' by John Fowles about half a dozen times - ditto 'Possession' by A.S. Byatt. 'Anne of Green Gables' probably gets the biggest count. Don't know how many times I've watched 'Pride and Prejudice' and before you ask, Yes the one with Colin Firth in it. BTW I fancied him first because I saw him in 'Another Country' (1984) and thought he was gorgeous - so there.

I'm sorry there are no photos - I've just been and looked through my old albums and they're either a bit blurry or boring. I did notice though in my Japan scrapbook that I left there on June 26th 1987 and caught the train on July 1st. Where have the last twenty years gone ...................?

Watch out I'm coming to a place near you.............

Well, I've done it - I've booked the tickets

and here's the lo-down. We will be arriving at JFK on July 26th at 2.35pm and leaving from there on August 12th at 8.20am. After much consultation with various seasoned travellers we went for the morning flight back from the US - don't know if it really is better than the overnight but it's done now. I seem to have spent hours on the computer looking for cheap flights and considering various times - and I'm sick of it now. So the tickets are booked and now all we need to do is plan our itiniery a bit.

First thing, we'll be going down to a place called Media in PA to stay with my dear friend Jodi and hopefully to meet up with a couple of other friends around there. Then it's up to the Boston area where Jessica of Littleshika has been so helpful in providing ideas and places to visit. We've got some trips planned with her which I'm really looking forward to. One thing Tom really wants to do is go to a Boston Red Sox Game as he used to support them when he lived in Worcester.  After that I would like to see a bit of Vermont and then we'll head over to Long Island where the lovely Wylie has offered to put us up. From there we'd like to pop into New York City and visit some museums and galleries and do some shopping ofcourse. Then we'll be totally exhausted and it'll be time to come home and we'll still be tired for a while after that. It will be so worth it though.

Needless, to say I am incredibly excited. Excited at doing something different for a change. Excited to be visiting all those places. Excited to meet up with my friends. Excited to be staying with them. It makes the trip so much more interesting if you're staying with people - you get more of a feel for a place don't you.

I would still love to have any more suggestions you might have for places to visit or where to buy good craft supplies and if you want to meet up with us just let me know - you know roughly where we are.

I'll try my best not to go on about this for the next seven weeks!

.................................................................................

OK back to real life then. Yesteday was Rohan's 11th birthday - this is the card Amber made for him with some of his interests on it. Ofcourse, most of his day was spent at school but we did manage to have a nice breakfast and a lovely picnic in the field later. I managed to grab a quick few photos - here's setting up for the picnic on grass that was a couple of feet tall:

Can you see the mound with candles on top? Well, that was his birthday cake. It was a marble cake with a hole in the middle made by Amber - except that I dropped it as I took it out of the oven. Poor girl she took it very well and insisted on making another cake straight away, which she did. However, we decided to send the second cake to school and we broke up the first cake and poured icing over it and it was fine. Rohan thought we'd done it on purpose, thankfully. Amber also made the bridge rolls that you can see - they had smoked salmon and cucumber in them. There's rocky road (Amber again) in the bowl, cheese and pineapple on sticks and sausages glazed with honey and mustard. There's jelly somewhere too. Can you believe we have to repeat the whole process again when he has a party next weekend?

Anyway, he had a lovely day and some great presents and now he's off to boy's camp with Dad and Raj this afternoon. They go with two other Dads and their lads and I'm sure they'll celebrate again tonight.

Amber and I, who incidentally are getting on beautifully at the moment (pms in both of us might have exacerbated things last w/end) are going shopping tomorrow morning and to the pictures one evening. Other than that I MUST get on with some dyeing and NOT spend hours on the computer looking at all the places I want to visit in America - there's plenty of time for that.

Oh, I forgot to say I finished off the owls:

I have to get my head down now and make some money for my trip so I can buy lots of lovely things. Amber seems to have the same idea and she's crocheting brooches to sell - I'll have some pics in my next post.

Hope you all have a lovely weekend - I'll be back with some dyeing pics I hope.

We're going on a trip..................

Thank you so much for the wonderful, comforting emails and comments that you left after my last post. I was truly touched by some of your stories and advice and have already taken a lot of it on board. I think my daughter's new 'phase'  just hit me like a bolt out of the blue and I was reacting so badly to it. Last week and writing the post really made me take stock and, I'll say it again all your wonderful advice was so helpful. It also reminded me that there would be something beautiful at the end of it too.

So, what else have we been up to aside from dealing with hormonal girls and sensitive boys (I didn't even tell you about my son, though he's coming out of his stuff now!). Well, I've agreed to organise the school summer fair again this year. I've been busy co-ercing people to volunteer for jobs - don't you just love people like me!! and so far so good. I also decided that I would have my own stall again although people don't buy things like they do at christmas. Anyway, the children love to stand behind it and play shop. So in preperation I've started on a few owls:

and I thought I'd use some of that basketful of felted jumpers I have to make a couple of bags. Here is the front of my current one:

and this will be the back:

I just need to sew this one up and put in the lining and handles and it'll be ready. The next three will be with these colours/jumpers:

I also need to get on with some dyeing this weekend because a few people have emailed with regard to buying some more fibre. As you know the weather hasn't been conducive to being outdoors lately but I have my fingers crossed for the w/end. Infact, I'm hoping to achieve quite a lot this weekend as Tom and the boys are off to 'boys camp' as it's now called. For the past two years now, three Dads and their combined five boys have gone camping for two nights - once in early summer and once in early autumn. It works really well and at first Amber and I went shopping and snuggled up and watched videos together. This time we'll still do the shopping bit but then she wants to go to the cinema with her friends and hang out with them so I ought to get a whole day and a half to dye. Yipee, I need it.

Now I have to tell you some BIG NEWS I want to share - no I'm not pregnant! Don't even go there.

We are hoping/planning to visit America this summer. I want to surround that phrase with stars I'm so excited.

Anyway, we were going to go to India in October with my parents and siblings but after a lot of chatting/emailing it just isn't going to come off. I cannot see my Dad getting into the town centre let alone Delhi and my sister in New Zealand has just set up shop so she can't come. So when plans about India were collapsing I said to my dear husband (who earns most of the money around here) if we're prepared to spend that sort of money on holidays this year why not go to America? Then I wheedled 'we only ever go to Wales each summer - let's do something fun and different'. Luckily, he didn't need much persuading.

The plan is to go at the end of July/beginning of August and we'll have 17 days in total. Might be too hot but we don't have any option unless we go at christmas. The plan is to stay with a lovely friend that I've made through my blog, called Jody in PA. After that we would like to go to Boston and Tom wants to visit Worcester again as he was a student there years ago. I also really want to see Vermont and then we must have some days in New York too. I am so excited cos aside from India three years ago we just don't do this sort of thing. Tom has to come back for work and I'm seriously considering staying on for some extra days but feel quite nervous about it for some reason.

Now, I need your helps folks. Does it sound too much trying to do all those places with three children (remember the youngest is seven)? Have you any recommendations for places to visit in these States? Do you fancy meeting up with five - five what - five lovely people? Does anyone know of any cheap places for us to stay so that the trip doesn't end up costing the earth AND so's I can save money for shopping? Better still, any tips on where to buy craft material/fabric/supplies and Amber wants to know of any good clothes shops for teens?

I haven't booked the tickets yet and I must decide if I'm coming back with Tom - I kinda feel I will. Thirteen years at home with children has battered my self confidence a bit.

HELP needed - how to live with a teen?

It dawned on me last night (finally) that I'm having a crisis. Yep, I'm right in the middle of a crisis and I need to sit down, take stock and decide how to go on. You see it concerns how to cope with having a thirteen year old in the house and a girl at that. Up until now I've just let things happen, badly on my part with no thought at all. But I really need to think about this now because my daughter has almost changed beyond recognition and I haven't kept up.

We were chatting the other night and we were remembering what we did this time last year. My Mum had a heart attack about this time and she came to stay with us for a week. My sister and her two children flew over from NZ to come and look after her. Amber was remembering that she had no interest in films, music, clothes or socialising for that matter, a year ago. All she wanted to do was to cook and read. When Tom went to London she always wanted to sleep with me and no-one else was allowed too. That was 12 months ago.

I now have a girl that loves shopping, takes great care in her appearance, has an i-pod, goes to the cinema, sees her friends - everything normal and fine there. No problem. What I can't cope with is the emotional rollercoaster that she seems to be on and the sudden rudeness. One minute we're sitting at the table and everything is fine and then you've said the wrong thing and the volcano erupts. This week we had our worst row ever - partly because she was exhausted from staying up too late at the wedding and I caught her moaning to her friend about me. I know it's going to happen, that she's going to hate me for a while, a long while but it's hard when it happens. Thankfully, we're not at the 'can I go out in the evening' bit yet but we will be soon.

I hated my Mum from about the age of 14 onwards but I thought I had every reason too. My parents were VERYstrict and as soon as I reached puberty my life changed. I couldn't cut my hair, pluck my eyebrows, shave my legs, wear skirts outside school, talk to boys. I basically couldn't do what every other normal girl could do and I hated it and hated them for not letting me. When it came to the sixth form and we had parties I wasn' t allowed to go, I wasn't allowed to drink and certainly could not have a boyfriend.  Well, ofcourse I did go and I did drink and I did have a boyfriend - but goodness knows how I managed to hide it all. There was no use arguing, I knew I lived in an Indian family and things were different and I hated it. I read Jackie and dreamt of being in a normal family and I was always grumpy and angry.

Anyway, back to Amber. Part of the problem is that she thinks we're too strict with her too. We don't want her to have a mobile phone till she's 14 and we don't want her to go on Bebo just yet either (big bone of contention that one) and on top of all that I think she feels weird because she goes to a waldorf school, one that really tries to keep them as young as possible. Which was great when she was young but maybe not now.

So, I have a young girl who was always a real stay-at-home and close to her Mummy and who is now pushing away and trying to find herself and I'm finding it a bit hard to say the least. I sat down last night and realised that I had to change too (and Tom for that matter). I don't have a little girl anymore but an emerging young woman. I don't want her to hate me and I don't think she does but I guess it brings back memories - bad ones. I need to think about doing some nice things together, just the two of us ocassionally and I need to learn some patience BIG TIME and I need to respond and not react.

I know it's all normal, don't get me wrong. I just need to know how to deal with it.

There are loads of you out there who have raised girls and gotten through it, I know. What did you do that was good and bad? What would you have done differently. Do some of you remember your early teen years like I do with embarassment? Were you grumpy all the time too (or was it just me!).

I'm off to my parent for two days - I might just ask my Mum what it was like for her!

All's well that ends well

It started off badly but 12 hours later I'm pleased to say that it ended wonderfully.

Picture the scene - the children are on half term holiday. They wake up on Sunday morning and it's pissing (sorry, it was really) pissing with rain. The sky was dark, the inside of the house was dark. We all stared at each other - what shall we do today? We must go out or we'll be climbing the walls by lunchtime. OK shall we drive to Cardiff to St Fagan's? No, I think it's outdoors. Well, what about the railway museum in Didcot - outside too. OK, let's try a National Trust property and we promise you can have a cream tea afterwards. NO WAY said the boys and Amber said 'I think I'd rather go and chop vegetables for the wedding party in the village this afternoon".Hmmm - Kelmscott Manor? "Mum why do you love William Morris so much?"

In the end we left the house at 11.30 in waterproofs and wellies and we went to - a classic car show in the village! There were 6 cars - just 6 cars and a tent. We admired the cars and talked to the overly enthusiastic owners - it made me wish I was a mechanic and I did up old cars too. The we went in the tent and I talked to an old boy who was a wood turner - he impressed me with his enthusiam too so that I promised Tom I'd buy him a lathe for his birthday - er why?

Then the heavens opened even more so we bought a bag of popcorn and sat and ate it. It kept pouring so we bought another bag of popcorn and ate that too. The woman at the other end of the table sent her husband to buy a bag after seeing us guzzling ours. We should have been on commission. We finally decided to go home and two and half hours after we'd left home we decided that it had actually been a fun morning. We arrived home damp and cold and sat around the kitchen table writing and drawing.

At 4 o'clock we decided to go to the wedding party afterall (we didn't know the couple and had felt awkward at going) so we hastily dressed and walked up the lane and joined the 200 people in waterproofs and wellies. Thankfully, there was a huge marquee. We ate, we danced, we laughed at the songs sung to the couple and remembered why we'd moved to this village in the first place. The whole thing had been got up by village people for the couple and what an effort they'd made. So at 10 o'clock we trudged home in the rain and wind and I draped myself over the Aga.

The boys are in bed, Amber is still up the lane and I'm writing this and thinking alls well that ends well. You don't know how true that is cos you didn't hear the shouting and grumpiness that went on this morning and it wasn't just the children!

easter fun

Oh boy have we had a lovely week with family. As you know two of the younger cousins came last Tuesday and Amber went to London to stay with Auntie Nin. The four that I had (my two included) did not stop all week. It was down to the stream with a picnic to build a dam, over to the field to play cricket, up the lane to play on a neighbours trampoline and then just when you thought they must be exhausted they kept talking until 11pm one night. By this morning they were grubby, tired but so full of life. My sister and I mused that we couldn't have given them a better gift this week..............

Meanwhile Amber went on a whirlwind tour of London that took in the Kylie exhibition at the V&A, Notting Hill and the Lisboa cafe where they ate portuguese custard tarts, a meal in Chinatown, Covent Garden and the Hope and Greenwood chocolate shop in East Dulwich - my sister is speedy gonzalez and Amber came back exhausted. Then on Saturday morning we ALL got together here and for the next three days it was like christmas all over again - lots of eating, watching the odd film and general lounging about. We did manage to get out one morning for a long walk and that's where I spotted this piece of perfection:

Isn't it gorgeous? I'm not totally sure what it is though!

I haven't got masses of news for you today so I'll just show you a few things I've done over the week. While the children were out and about I managed to squeeze in a bit of dyeing:

I've done lots of yellows with daffodils, onionskins and dandelions, the brown is walnut, the reddy colours are a madder/cochineal dyebath that has been sitting around since before christmas and the light green is dandelions. I'm going to do a post about the dandelions next time if you're interested.

I got some books out of the library during the week:

and Amber has been knitting some leg warmers from Last Minute Knitted Gifts. She's using Cascade 220:

Just to continue the pink theme I bought some mock crocs called holey shoes(!) just so's I've got something to slip in and out of with my constant to-ing and fro-ing to the garden with steaming dyepots:

and just incase you think I do relax sometimes I crocheted a few brooches over the weekend:

I may put them in my Etsy shop when I ever manage to put backs on them.

Well, the extended family has gone back to Londinium and it seems a bit too quiet and tidy here:

Maybe not exactly clean if you want to study our stair carpet closely but we're still on holiday for another two weeks and we're going to take it easy. We're planning a trip to Cheltenham tomorrow to buy sandals and shorts and I must go and see my parents next week too. I'm sorry this post has turned into a bit of a list but I'm conscious the boys must have a bath tonight AND an early night and time is creeping up on me.

I'll leave you with our Easter table:

back soon with the dandelion dyeing..............

getting your priorities right

I wasn't going to do a post today but I looked around my house this morning and I thought you could have a laugh with me at how I've got my priorities right.

First off I spent most of the weekend painting my sewing room - which is the smallest room in the house and seems to have the most time and attention lavished on it. I'd asked Tom and Raj to put up two shelves for me and then for some reason I decided to paint them. Then I decided that I really ought to paint my table - that's one of the new shelves above it:

Well, that made the window seat and the windows look shabby so I painted those too:

That made the door look awful so I painted that. Then all that white made the room look so messy so I went through everything and had a big tidy up and chucked out loads of stuff too:

I've tried to take an overall shot of the room but the sun's shining through the window and it's not working. However, I think you get the general idea of how tidy my room is.

Well, I wish I could say the same about the rest of the house. Cousins are here and the place is a tip:

Shoes everywhere plus bits from games played yesterday - the cricket bat and the baked beans tins that they used to make telephones/walkie-talkies with.

Clothes everywhere too.

Chairs and cases chucked out of rooms to accomodate all the sleepers.

Rohan's room where they all decided to sleep full of futons and duvets.

So you could say that my little room is an oasis of peace, calm and tidiness and no wonder I'm in here at the moment. They're all going off for a picnic down to the stream in a minute and I guess I could run round for an hour and put it all away but I think I'll stay in here and let them do it when they get back.

Before I go a little idea from last Easter for decorating eggs with origami paper:

Click here for how to do it.

Happy Easter to you all and thank you for all the lovely comments and emails you've sent to me recently. I do so love hearing from you.

My Mother's Story...................

I was going to give you my Mum's curry recipe in this post but I decided that I ought really to tell you a little bit about her first. You know - to set the scene and make it more authentic like...............

This is the earliest pic we have of my Mum. It was taken around 1960 when she was about 30 (?) and she had to go and have a passport made because she was going to join her husband (my Dad) in England. (Sorry it's so fuzzy but it was scanned and sent to me by my brother in Canada).

My Mum was born around 1929 in Multan which is now in Pakistan. At that time it was in India because the country wasn't divided until 1948. That generation have no idea of their birth dates because they had no birth certificate and when it came to having passports made they just gave an approximate date, month and year! Mum was the fifth of eight children - five girls and three boys.

She recounts a very tough life growing up in a village in India in the 30's and 40's. The family weren't poor and they were self sufficient in most things. A bit like Laura Ingalls - there wasn't much store bought. She was telling me how they would rise when the cock crowed. First they'd milk the cow or buffalo and then they'd grind flour in order to make the breakfast chapattis. Yogurt and butter had to made too. Crops had to be harvested to provide meals and it seems that they grew lots of pulses as well as vegetables. The cotton had to be picked and the whole process gone through - I don't understand half the Indian words related to this activity and I must look up how it's done to understand better. They also made gram flour from chick peas too and this is how they ground their wheat:

They harvested their own sugar cane. Mum says they would take the juice out of the cane and light a fire under the huge vat until the water evaporated. This left a hard substance they call ghurr. Again I need to look up this process too but it sounds like another huge job to me. It was relentless. Mum says they were on the go all day. On top of this they would embroider things for their bottom drawer, weave cotton dhurries for the house, knit and sew their own everyday clothes too. The men worked on the land all day and the women would go and give them their lunch each day.

Partition hit them badly, very badly. My grandfather ignored warnings that India was going to be divided and that Indians should pack up and leave and get back to India. Mum says she distinctly remembers the day soldiers turned up at their door and told them to leave their house. They could take nothing with them - not a thing. They lived in a refugee camp for a month and the terror of that time is difficult to imagine. Everyone was against everyone else - Sikhs, Muslims, Hindus. Trains would arrive in India and Pakistan and everyone on them had been butchered. There were revenge attacks. I guess my mother's family were lucky really in that they got out alive and came back to their paternal village in India.

Three years later she had an arranged marriage and customary to that time she met my Dad on their wedding day. They had a daughter and then in 1955 my Dad left for England  to make some money to send home to his dependents (not just his wife but his extended family too). My brother was born in his absence and then in 1960 she was summoned to join my father - for some crazy reason he only sent a ticket for his wife and son and my sister was left behind with grandparents until 1966. England was a huge shock. She arrived on a dull grey November day and as she says her life of drudgery started soon after. My Dad had bought a three bedroomed house in the Midlands and in those days whenever anyone from the village arrived in your town you put them up until they had a job and enough money to move on. So in the early 60's there were at one time three families and two bachelors living in our house!

My Mum also had three children in quick succession. She tells how she'd wake up first and clear and light fires in each room. She'd cook and clean for her family and the other men. The endless washing, three babies, a man she had nothing in common with and who was prone to drink and shout and the heartache of leaving her daughter behind. At least in India she had had the extended family - here it was just her. I look back now and realise that she had some form of depression for most of my childhood she'd often threaten to stick her head in the oven.

I've gone through some awful times with my Mum (haven't we all). I've hated her for being so strict with me as a teenager. I've been embarrassed by her Indianness. I've blamed my post natal depression on the lack of a close relationship with her. But as she nears the end of her life (she's an elderly, unhealthy 78 year old) and she gives me the silent treatment on the phone cos I haven't phoned for a week I try to remind myself of what an amazing woman she is. She upped sticks and came from the middle of nowhere to a big English city. She raised six children with no help from my father (who was busy earning a pittance to keep us all). She's completey illiterate - can't even read and write her own language let alone English - yet she carved out a life here and even managed to learn to speak English (which is more than my father ever did). She's the best cook in the world and her handwork skills are amazing. She has knitting patterns in her head I tell you. She used to borrow peoples jumpers when she worked and bring them home and memorise the patterns. She made all our clothes when we were young and fed us the most delicious food. I haven't picked up the cooking and knitting skills from her but I have inherited her friendliness. She would chat to everyone in pigeon English -  even the grocer and the milkman and everyone was invited round to sample her cooking.  Our house was always full of people and she was the life and soul of the party. She's old, tired and fed up now and I want to try and remember and see, the real woman inside.