Today, in this post I would like to pay tribute to my sister who flew back to New Zealand yesterday. Tom and I drove her to the airport and I said I wouldn't cry because I would be glad to get my house back to normal and because with Skype these days we would be speaking to each other in a few days time. But I did. I blubbed when I hugged her goodbye and then I blubbed all the time in Accessorize as I tried on a sunhat and I blubbed all the way to the car too. Infact I'm on the verge of tears now.
My sister is an amazing woman. When she heard that I couldn't cope on my own with my Mum she picked up the phone and booked herself a flight to London. It was midnight here when she confirmed that she was coming and by the time I got up in the morning she was at the airport waiting for her flight. She made a 24 hour plane journey with two of her children - a 13 year old and a 2 1/2 year old. Then once she was in London she got herself on a coach to get to my house. She'd been on the go for 32 hours when she arrived. We didn't tell Mum that she was coming and it was a very emotional scene when my sister walked through the door. The first thing she did was give Mum an outdoor shower and then she gave her some Reiki and then she took care of herself.
Throughout her 12 days her priority was to get Mum well enough so that she could return home. My Mum was suffering from the after effects of surgery, she was constipated, feeling sick, she was having panic attacks and not sleeping. By the time we took Mum home on the Thursday she was a different woman - all thanks to my sister. I'm sorry to say that I wasn't at my best. I found it really hard having my Mum about all the time. Also the constant cooking, eating, shopping, Rohan's birthday in the middle of it all, the surprising tension between Amber and her cousin Pippa, organising the summer fair too - it was all too much for me. I also seemed to be a channel for my other brothers and sisters feelings too - some were sympathetic, some weren't. We all had different ways of coping with my Mum's heart attack and being brought up by a woman who was always depressed and a distant father. Heavy Stuff.
So, they've all gone now. I have my house back to myself but I feel empty. I feel sad because my sister and I didn't get to do anything nice together, because I snapped at her a number of times, because I feel that I wasted our time together when I probably won't see her again for 5 years. Tom says that I'm looking at it all wrong. She came to nurse our Mum and she achieved it. There wasn't any time in the day what with looking after Mum and suffering jetlag to do anything else.
A friend said that it was different for my sister because she lived abroad and just had to be here for 2 weeks. But I don't think so because I know that I would never have flown 13000 miles and put myself through all that. I would have let the rest of the family who lived near Mum look after her. My sister is an amazing woman because she did that and because she has risen above her circumstances. She is the youngest of the three sisters (I'm the oldest) and fifth child. She has always lived in our shadows because we did well academically (and you know how Indian's prize that). But she has proved herself she really has in all our eyes.
So I just want to say - Baksh I miss you and I love you and I'm sorry.
Your mother is lucky to have such supportive daughters. Not to diminish anything your sister did , but because she came from such a distance and did not have to worry about the countless details of day to day life(you did all that) she was able to care for your mother. She sounds likes a wonderful person and even if you didn't get to do anything "special' together I'm sure in years to come you both will cherish the time you spent together caring for your mother.
Posted by: Karen | June 19, 2006 at 04:32 AM
How wonderful that your sister was able to make the trip, and how lucky for you each to have the other. I am glad your mother is doing better too.
Posted by: Erin | June 21, 2006 at 05:03 PM
It's taken me a while to catch up on your happenings, and I think this is a wonderful post Simmy. So much of the everyday stuff of life involves short tempers and irritability and wishing for what we don't have. And it's really easy to judge ourselves for it. But the moments that really count - that you and your sister will remember are the ones written here. The ones where you say thank you and I'm sorry. Sometimes recognising someone else's contribution and asking for forgiveness is a much greater gift than taking the burden from them. I hope your sister feels that way too and you can all go on and be happy within the limiations of who you are.
Posted by: sooz | June 24, 2006 at 04:54 AM
I have only brisked over you literature but from what i have read i have thoroughly enjoyed it. May god bless you, you do asian people justice.
My father has been here in the uk for a long time too (infact since the 1958). And i have always wondered if i should write a book on his travels, he has even been bak to Sialkot, which is a district in pakistan (close to the indian border), by road. Yes by road, whats more amazing is that he has been by road three times. my website will be up shortly.
www.imranbashir.co.uk
Posted by: Imran Bashir | July 18, 2007 at 12:00 AM