Echoes of a Dream

Yet another obsession of mine

Can you believe that I've got a rotten, stinking cold? I never get ill. The children get the odd cold and I never catch it off them but this time ..... I'm sneezing like mad and my nose is sore and runny and my head weighs a ton.

It started yesterday morning and I spent most of the evening on the sofa in front of the fire trying to get into The Time Traveller's Wife (which I am finding a bit hard going ladies?!). It's times like this that you wish you had a telly. So instead I decided to do some timely darning on one of my favourite jumpers.

It all looked pretty awful but I managed to save this:

with this:

and then there was a big hole on the back:

which I had to do a bit of knitting for:

In the bad light I went for the most similar colour but this morning I see that it's actually more pink than red! Never mind. I just need to find some black now to sort out that animal shape.

I guess this is my opportunity to confess my addiction to Amano hand knits. If you don't know already the company import knitwear from Bolivia and it's big, loud and colourful. I bought my first jumper about ten years ago and I remember being alarmed at the cost (nearly ninety quid if I remember rightly). At that sort of price I've tended to wear them all the time to get my money's worth I guess and then I discovered the Amano shop near Camden Market which often had a sale and the addiction started. Over the years I've had about ...... oh my gosh - about ten of them (not all priced that highly I hasten to add). A few I've worn through and a couple I sold on eBay. These days I have six (I hope Tom's not reading this as he's been heard to say many times "how many jumpers does a woman need?").

My all time fave is this one. I just love the combination of green and blue (I have to confess that it's my second one in this colorway - the first one fell apart):

Probably joint fave is the red one (I used to have it in cream many years ago):

next up is this one - love the oranges and greens. This one always attracts a few comments when I wear it:

Then I like this cotton one which looks great with jeans:

My next fave is this one which is not Amano actually but Pachamama. I just had to include it though cos it's so nice and eye catching although I do feel a bit disloyal having it:

I just love the detail:

I think someone gave me this blue one:

and I bought the red version of the green one but I don't wear it much and maybe I should put it up on eBay:

Looking at the Amano website last night I noticed that my collection is their earlier stuff which tended to be more chunky. The newer stuff is more floaty and feminine. Maybe I should get rid of the last two and buy two of the newer ones, though Tom is right "how many Amano jumpers does a woman need?".

I think a little paring down of jumpers is in order don't you?

Well, I'm off for a lie down and to wallow a bit before I have to pull myself together for end of term and goodbyes tomorrow, Raj's birthday party on Saturday and the Ceilidh on Sunday. Ooh, I'm coming over all faint ..........

Stuff - baskets of it everywhere

As you can imagine I'm trying to spend some time each day sorting through things AND trying to throw stuff away. You cannot believe how much stuff I have. Today I started wondering when exactly I became a hoarder. I clearly remember leaving home at eighteen to go to College with one suitcase full of stuff. After that I had a bit more stuff when I moved into my first house share but a few years later I managed to go to Japan with not much more than a suitcase.

When Tom and I moved into our first flat back in 1989 we didn't have much more than clothes, books and a bit of furniture. Even when we moved out of London in 1998 and had two children there still wasn't that much stuff. I think I started on this orgy of collecting when I started crafting in a big way and that must have been about seven years ago when I moved here. In my last house I had a bit of knitting wool and some needles and thread. Then I came here and got into felting, doll making, sewing, knitting, plant dyeing and with that came accumulating raw materials for each hobby. Maybe that's why I have so much stuff because I do so many things.

I have baskets groaning with felted jumpers:

baskets full of fabric:

thick knitting wool:

sock wool:

doll making materials:

shelves full of craft books:

plant dyed blanket and silks:

and this is only some of the stuff in my workroom. I haven't shown you the under stairs cupboard yet OR the shed in the garage.

You know what - all this stuff makes me feel sick sometimes. I feel so tied down by it. I feel as if every basket has tentacles that wrap around me and I just can't seem to get them off. And I can't bear to throw any of it away because I might need it. Since I've been teaching handwork at school and crafting at home I've just collected and collected stuff that I might want to use. These days I can't seem to go past a charity shop without coming back with a bit of fabric, a couple of books, wool or blankets. I've noticed that I love having a piece of nice fabric or that pink felted jumper. I just like having it and owning it and sometimes I can't bear to cut into it.

It's an addiction isn't it. It has to be. I make excuses that I need stuff for my work but somewhere in my mind it must make me feel better having it. Of course it does initially and then I feel sick looking at it all crammed everywhere. I'm finding this hoarding thing fascinating at the moment and it's akin to my other fascination with comfort eating which I can bore you with another day.

I'm seriously debating chucking it all away but I can't. If I do that what will I have left. What will define me. Who will I be without all my stuff. But STOP - it isn't just nameless good-for-nothing stuff is it. It's raw materials that enable me to craft which is what I do. It's my job as well as mum, wife, daughter etc. Dare I say it I'm an artist and the stuff is my tools and materials. IT IS DEFINITELY NOT JUNK OR STUFF.

I guess I just need to change my relationship with it that's all. Mind you I can pare it down a lot too (that's the job for this morning then, going through the room again).

So what's your view on collecting or hoarding stuff? Do you have baskets full? Do you find it oppressive or do you know when to stop? Do you buy things because they're beautiful and then can't bear to use them? I'd love to hear.

I don't really think I'm a crazy hoarder but I do recognise that I have those tendencies. I collect children's books too and I'm sure I do that because we didn't have any books in the house when I was growing up despite the fact that I loved reading).

---------------------------------------------------

PS Just listed some lovely fabric here for you to add to your stash - ha ha.

Not another post about moving!

I'm sure I must be a complete bore by now harping on and on about the move but quite honestly there isn't that much else to tell you.

Our visit to the school was a success - despite the dismal/crap/awful weather on Thursday, Raj crying about moving, Amber deciding that she didn't want to do waldorf anymore and the house we might end up renting being smelly and having the pokiest of kitchens. And then this morning I finally cracked and burst into tears.

After a lot of heated discusions we've decided that they all have to go the same school because there is no way that we can find an alternative for Amber from this distance (we don't even know where we'll be living eventually). We're probably going to take the smelly house - it was lived in by an old person and has that smell of age and decay about it. I think we just need to clean it and I'm going to go around with a smudge stick and purify it (as I do every time we move). We've also decided to go a week later as I think to leave two days after Raj's party and our Ceilidh would be a bit much. I also need to go and see the parentals in half term whilst I'm still this close to them. The end of Feb feels more manageable and I kind of want to stay in my nice warm kitchen with the Aga as long as possible to tell the truth.

After the flood of tears I feel much better (blame it on the move, the PMT (period started this morning), the stress around Amber's schooling). Thankfully we've made the above decisions and now we can just get on with it.

I'm glad to say that the area we'll be renting in is very nice. The school is lovely and such a contrast to ours which has no facilities whatsoever. The teachers seem very dedicated and the parents that we met really lovely.

I've had another bit of clear out and I've listed some craft books on Ebay if anyone is interested. They are here, here, here, here and here. Other than that I have these two books is anyone wants them:

and

and also these three skeins of thick sock wool that I'll never get around to using:

Three people are welcome to a skein each. It's Briggs and Little Heritage 2 ply and I can point you to a free pattern for this wool which knits up like this:

I think they'll make great boot socks.

This morning I have my penultimate dollmaking lesson at school. I have to be honest and say that I will not miss these lessons. Doll making with ten children is bloody hard work even if I do have an older girl helping me. I seem to be running ragged trying to help everyone but when I look at the dolls and the happy faces of the twelve year olds it does seem kind of worth it.

Apologies for not re-reading this post to check that it makes any sense ..................

Invitations, anxiety and more food

Guess what I was doing at 7.30 this morning? Frantically looking for scraps of paper or card on which to write Raj's party invitations. As we're away for the next three days he wanted to give them out this afternoon (his party being in nineteen days time).

Of course, the plan was for him to do them yesterday afternoon but we had friends over for an early supper and I only remembered as I tumbled out of bed this morning. Bleary eyed I couldn't find anything suitable to write on and in the end I went for my handwriting on brown luggage labels:

I stamped the other side with each child's name and they looked passable. Then you can imagine there was a lot of shouting to get the children out of bed and downstairs and out of the house in thirty minutes. I wish I could say that a happy Raj pulled them out of his bag and handed them out later on but the truth is that I LEFT THEM ON THE BLOODY KITCHEN TABLE and as I won't be going back to school later I was mighty p.....d off I can tell you. All that rushing for nothing.

Still it beats what I was doing at 7.30 yesterday morning which was lying in bed and listening to poor old Tom having a bout of anxiety. It went a bit like this:

Why am I giving up journalism. A great job on a national newspaper. Why are we leaving such a great community. Look how much we've done to our house and someone else is going to enjoy it. What if it doesn't work out. What if we don't like it down there ................and you can imagine the rest.

Poor Tom he really does not like change and he always says that if it weren't for me he'd still be living in a flat in London. Anyway, I managed to calm him down with words like:

Just think you'll be home every night and no more b&b's in London. It's a great company and look at all the perks like bonuses, life insurance, pension, relocation. If there's no chance of promotion at the newspaper (because you live too far away to do a full week and would hate the hours anyway) what's the point of staying as a reporter for the next x number of years. We'll be able to go to Europe/the coast/London more easily. Amber needs to go to a bigger school and so it went on until I realised we had half an hour before we left for school and I had to get the children up ...........

As you can see I don't have a problem with change but he did set me off yesterday morning and I felt teary all day. It's a good job that I'm positive about this move because I do have to see all of my family through it. Amber's anxious that no-one will like her - to which I respond with a don't be so ridiculous (probably not the most comforting of words) and Rohan announced yesterday that we ought to stay here and not take such a big risk as moving to a new place and new school. To which I heard Amber say - don't be so ridiculous!

It's fun times here.

Anyway, I wanted to show you what we had for supper last night:

it's a sort of Chicken Cassoulet (sorry for the bad pic) and to make enough for five/six you need the requisite amount of chicken thighs (one each for children perhaps and two for adults).

Dust them with paprika and fry in a pan to brown with about 5 cloves of garlic left in their skins. Remove to a casserole. Add sliced carrots and about half a pound of haricot beans soaked overnight. Season and pour over about half a pint of stock. Cover with a lid and cook at Gas mark 5 until the chicken is cooked. There might be too much liquid in which case put the casserole on the gas and reduce a bit. Before serving squidge all that yummy garlic out of it's case and mix into the sauce. Serve with mash.

Next day you can have any left over beans and carrots for lunch:

followed by last night's lemon meringue pie:

I can handle anything after a slice of that.

I meant to tell you that we've decided to have a Ceilidh after all on Sunday 17th - it seemed the best way to have lots of people together and the most fun. As Julie said in an email what does the cost matter as long as you have the memories. So we've hired the folksy local band, everyone is bringing food and drink, friends are decorating the hall and other's will help organise food on the night and tidy up after. I'm so pleased ..........

Fed Up and Nibbling

I say this every time I have a give-away - It's so hard. You just want to send something to everyone that leaves a comment. Because I've found it difficult yet again, I decided to split the chunky green wool into two 4oz skeins to send to two people and then I found another green skein of aran weight wool that I've decided to give-away too. Plus I had one more bag of plant dyed fibre lurking. Hmmm, that made SIX names to pick out of the hat and this is who they were:

Rose gets the Elderflower Cordial; Emma gets one skein of chunky wool and Jam Sandwich the other; Lali gets the new skein of wool which is this:

Ana gets the blanket and fibre and finally Claudia gets the extra packet of fibre. Congratulations to you all. Ladies please send me your addresses.

OK onto more serious stuff then. The Estate Agent came around to take photos etc and to confirm the asking price and her fee. All well and good except that she asked if we'd had any work done on the house? Only practically re-built the damn thing. Well, did you get planning permission if you needed it AND did you comply with building's regs?

Thankfully, we did get planning permission but like most people we hired a local builder/friend to do the work and we didn't get building regs approval on a couple of things. After she left I went into a complete and utter depression which is not like me (mind you she did give me the worse case scenario). So we ended up getting a surveyor around to advise us (more worse case scenario) and then an architect/planner to see if we could get it retrospectively if need be. Which, we can ofcourse but everyone says these guys can make you take things down (ie windows), dig up foundations if they want to - which is what depressed me.

God I hate bureaucracy. I appreciate why these regs are in place - to stop cowboy builders and to stop people being misled when they buy a house. .........THERE WAS A HUGE RANT HERE WHICH I'VE DELETED! I couldn't put you through it ..............

Anyway, I was stark staring mad and depressed all at the same time but I have calmed down now. Tom says I've got too much time on my hands and although he's pissed off about it all, work does keep it off his mind.

So, I'm trying to turn my thoughts to other things like whether to have some sort of do before we move and with this in mind I made a list of friends I wanted to invite. As usual I ended up with about 30 adults and 70 children! Well, there's no way I'm hosting that here. The garden is a quagmire and I can't think how I'll contain all those children. Another idea I had was to bring my barn dance plan forward (I wanted it for my 50th) and have it as a leaving do. I called the local band yesterday and they charge £400 and aren't sure if they're free on the date I want. Sooooo - what to do? Maybe I should just have an adults only thing one evening OR invite my really close friends over one lunchtime OR go out with them one evening. Oh blinking heck - too many choices.

Next week we are off down south to look at the new school (waldorf), have interviews and to view some rental properties. For the rest of the week I must stop nibbling, be positive about the house - after all it's a great house in a great location and everything will be fine. Oh and I must stop shouting at the children. I was so fed up yesterday and as usual they were telling on each other, bothering each other, you name it and I just went mad and shouted so much my bloody throat hurt. Oh, God help me get through the next four weeks ................

I must say thanks very much for the book recommendations before I go. I've been checking them out on Amazon but meanwhile I've started Onions in the Stew by Betty MacDonald - she's such a lovely writer. I think I'll get The Time Traveller's Wife next as so many of you have recommended it?

Has anyone read 'We Need to Talk About Kevin'? It was serliaised on Radio Four last week and I'm wondering whether to read it. Not sure if I'll be able to hack it in my current, fragile state of mind.

The timer is beeping and I've just taken this out of the oven. It's mincemeat slice:

and it's like the Crank's recipe that had stewed dates or apricots in the middle with flour/oats/butter/sugar above and below. I guess I'm off to do some more nibbling then ..............

Two hundredth post

I seem to have gotten into a routine in my old age of winding down from all that manic crafting pre Christmas and just sitting by the fire of an evening in January and catching up on reading. I can't actually bear the sight of a sewing needle at the moment so the break is most welcome.

So far I've re-read The Lost Art of Keeping Secrets; The Friday Night Knitting Club and I'm currently on Eat, Pray and Love by Elizabeth Gilbert - a book that my friend Wylie sent to me in the autumn. I found myself in Waterstones on Friday afternoon and I thought I'd get something to read next but I have to confess that NOTHING caught my eye. So if anyone has any good book recommendations I'd love to hear them.

We put our house on the market on Friday and Tom and I decided last night that we would move in the middle of half term whether we had sold the place or not. I'm sure we will have a buyer by then and the reason for not waiting for completion is that we all just want to get down there and get on with our lives. I also want the children to have as much time at their new school as they can.

So next week I need to phone removals companies for quotes and letting agents in the new place. I think that the next calendar month is going to whizz by (we're planning to move on 21st).

Tom spent today chucking stuff out of both outside sheds - he can be very ruthless unlike me. I've had a clear out of my sewing room and only managed to fill a small bag for the tip. Mind you I am being ruthless over some of the stuff that I've made or dyed and I've decided that this being my two hundredth post I will have a give-away - by way of celebration of course and to say thanks to you for putting up with me for so long.

So first off I have some plant dyed chunky wool, about 400g which should be enough for a child's jersey. It's a gorgeous green - dyed with turmeric/pomegranate and indigo:

I also have a bottle of elderflower cordial which I did buy to send to one of my American friends (but I can't remember who!) so it's here waiting to go back in it's packaging and be posted:

and finally a small bundle of plant dyed blanket and a bag of my plant dyed fibre:

I can't believe that I've written two hundred posts and actually been happy for you to read them. I still remember that feeling of 'who's going to want to read what I have to say?' Mind you that hasn't totally gone away but these days I do just write, click the send button and hope for the best. I don't re-read and edit as I used to.

As usual to win any of these goodies you need to leave a comment at the end of this post. I'll pick three names out a hat and let you know in a few days time .........

A wonderful weeekend

This last weekend was so special what with the snow and the enjoyment that brings. The children were in and out all day sledging or playing. I kept up a constant supply of food like these bacon baps for lunch:

The baps are just a white bread dough with some lard rubbed in and a milk and water mixture rather than pure water.

Then on Sunday we had our friends over (surrogate parent ones) and had a lovely meal of roast chicken followed by steamed treacle sponge and custard.  We then had a call from friends up the lane who wanted us to come over for tea so we could tell them all about our move.

I feel like I'm starting to say goodbye to people already. Someone in the village looked at our house on Saturday afternoon although we've only just had it valued today and if they do decide to go for it we could be out of here in six weeks. Oh my goodness.

Meanwhile I've put in an application for the waldorf school where we'll be going and I'm waiting for interviews. I think we'll probably go and rent for a while whilst we look around the area to see if we want to live in a town or village. I feel with the children getting older that a town might be better but it would have to be a small place.

I've slowly started to have a clear out and I think I'm going to have some craft stuff to sell and to give away which will coincide with my next post which will be my 200th. I think I'll have to be ruthless and make up bags for the charity shop too. It's a great opportunity to clear the clutter isn't it? So keep a look out soon as I have some plant dyed blanket, plant dyed knitting wool and a few books. Might have some fabric too.

In my doll making lesson this morning some of the children were really sweet and said they'd miss me and that my lesson was the best. Aghhh. In case I felt big headed the boys put me in my place and told me they were celebrating. That's after they'd all finished cooing over Amber's doll that I took in as an example:

She made this last year in Class 7 (aged thirteen) and it's turned out really nicely. The girls especially liked the doll's underwear:

Hey, did I tell you I was reading the Friday Night Knitting Club?

Well I finished it last night and I do not like the ending. I was sitting there blubbing for ages. Has anyone else read it? I do recommend it if you haven't. It's very well written and that sitting around the table with a group of women, chatting and crafting really speaks to some primitive instinct in me. Not all the characters are well developed but that's OK. It's a quick and easy read and a lovely story about female friendships, about love and forgiveness. Apparently, it's going to be made into a film and I think it might be THE one that finally drags me to the pictures after eight years!

Is that weird - not having been to the cinema for eight years? I know my children think it is.

Don't suck me back in - yet

Can't you just tell that I'm resisting coming back into the real world? For the last three weeks I've just been chilling out with the family mainly at home although we've made the odd foray into Cheltenham and Bristol to buy a new hoover and toaster (both of which conked out over Christmas) and some other bits and bobs in the sale.

But twelfth night was always looming in the distance as was Monday 7th January when the children go back to school. So we took down the tree on Saturday, the decorations, got the children to take their pressies up to their rooms and gave the sitting room a darned good clean:

Well, OK it was Tom who did it all because I was washing a fleece at the time. You know it's so funny but my husband is finding that in times of stress what he likes to do is - CLEAN. Can you believe it? This is the man who rarely did any cleaning when we were first married but it was obviously there, this manic desire to create order and clean. It must have been buried under layers of something or other. Sadly, when I'm stressed I like to nibble which is a shame because I could do with losing a few pounds now. Wouldn't it be great - not eating excess sweet things and getting some exercise whilst cleaning. Nah, still doesn't appeal to me I'm afraid.

Anyway, I am dying to tell you about this thing he's stressing about but I can't just yet cos I haven't even told the children. But don't worry it's good news or will be when it happens and I promise I'll share it with you asap. I feel like Darcy (Colin Firth that is) when he went to tell Elizabeth that he loved her and said something about not being able to hold it in any longer cos I've been holding this damn thing in for months now. If I don't change the subject right now I'll blurt it out ...............

Quick change of subject then - guess where the males of the household are today? They've all gone up to London to watch Fulham play Bristol Rovers. Rohan is a huge Fulham fan on account of his being born at the Chelsea and Westminster and his best friend is a Bristol Rovers fan. When they found out that both teams were playing Rohan begged us to take him but we said No because we thought it would cost a bomb. In actual fact the children's tickets were only £5 each. We gave the boys tickets for Christmas and there was one scarey moment when Rohan pressed redial on the phone and it took him to the Fulham Ticket hotline. Boy did I have to lie through the teeth that day and I made a great cock and bull story up that he actually believed.

Amber and I have been lolling about doing nothing in particular but trying to keep warm as it's so damn cold at the moment. She's now straightening her hair (latest fad) and I'm trying not to think about tomorrow morning.

Talking of straightened hair did I ever show you the beautiful taffeta dress* that I bought for her for Christmas? Well, here it is:

It's absolutely gorgeous and shimmers in the most delightful way. Sadly, it just fits her and there's no room for growth or pudding for that matter!  I thought she could dress up in it if she wanted to as she doesn't have any parties to wear it too. Just for a laugh have a guess at how much it was?

* I found it on ebay as the song goes (you gotta click here if you haven't heard the song by Weird Al) it's a gem.

Happy New Year

How is it that you wait and wait for Christmas and then it's all over in the blink of an eye? As you can imagine I'm doing my utmost not to let it all be over and I keep telling the children that there are TWELVE days of Christmas and not just two.

So with that regard we've done nothing to get back to normal. Every morning I light the woodburner in the sitting room and most days we've sat in front of it and played with our pressies. Some days we've not even managed to get of our jammies until tea time and it's been so nice. I just feel so 'in the moment'. The outside world isn't intruding, there's no pull from the computer and we've all just been together. There's been no need to go food shopping as you can imagine although supplies may run out soon.

I've been sitting on the sofa flicking through some of my Christmas pressies:

and reading others:

and eating lots of chocolates.

Even the cats are totally relaxed and have taken to sitting in the stable and wrecking the nativity:

that one is Benjy and this is Arthur:

he looks as if he's eaten everything in the stable!

Gosh I do love being cooped up at home. Tom goes back to work on Wednesday and I think we'll have to return to the real world then. I need to wash a fleece in readiness for doll making at school and seam ten bodies. Maybe that's why I've been putting the world off .........

By the way, I forgot to mention the daily arguments over not having a telly, the boys falling out over their toys, Amber screaming at one or the other about driving their remote control cars too near her, Tom totally pissed off as the new porch gets filled with rain water all the time and me, I just keep eating those Quality Streets and carving more ham.

HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone. By the way do any of you still make New Year's Resolutions these days? I feel I ought to make a few this year ............

Happy Christmas

Oh happy days. The children are sitting around the wireless listening to The Witches on Radio Four. Sister and husband are out for a stroll and Tom is having a doze after working his socks off, poor soul, trying to get the place ready for our visitors. Me, I've just finished baking a batch of oaten biscuits for cheese whilst listening to Handel's Messiah and I thought I'd better leap in and wish you all a Happy Christmas before I turn this machine off for a few days.

Not all of my family are here YET. There are ten of us at the moment and on Christmas morning my brother, who is over from Australia for a week will come down with my Mum and Dad. I haven't seen him for four years and I haven't spent Christmas with Mum and Dad for about eight years. They usually go to my big sister's for the day as she lives much much closer and anyway Christmas isn't really a big thing for them. But this year we all felt that we wanted to be together as my Dad, now 88 has been rather ill lately.

I hope you're not worrying about how we'll manage with all those many people. We've booked a spare bed for the night at some neighbours and the house is literally stocked to the rafters with food. Honestly, when you see how full the fridge is:

the bags hanging from the beams in the shed (admittedly they're mostly full of veg):

food dotted around all over the place wherever we can find space and boxes of booze in the downstairs loo:

you may be forgiven for thinking there's going to be some sort of siege in this part of England and we're stocking up incase we can't get out for weeks. Sadly, the truth of it is that we love eating and we love good food and there are a heck of a lot of us. But did we really need twenty pints of milk, three pints of double cream, eight packs of butter, thirty six eggs and a 20lb ham:

and we're having goose on the actual day not ham. I think I might be surprised actually at how quickly this lot all goes.

Talking of going quickly I'm praying madly that these next few days go .........v...e....r...y.........s...l....o...w...l...y please.

OK my turn for a doze now. Sis is doing supper tonight, having cooked lunch too I have to add and all I need to do is ice the cake and make some mince pies tonight.

So may I wish every one of you that reads my blog and has supported me and encouraged me so much this year  A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS .....................