Echoes of a Dream

Invitations, anxiety and more food

Guess what I was doing at 7.30 this morning? Frantically looking for scraps of paper or card on which to write Raj's party invitations. As we're away for the next three days he wanted to give them out this afternoon (his party being in nineteen days time).

Of course, the plan was for him to do them yesterday afternoon but we had friends over for an early supper and I only remembered as I tumbled out of bed this morning. Bleary eyed I couldn't find anything suitable to write on and in the end I went for my handwriting on brown luggage labels:

I stamped the other side with each child's name and they looked passable. Then you can imagine there was a lot of shouting to get the children out of bed and downstairs and out of the house in thirty minutes. I wish I could say that a happy Raj pulled them out of his bag and handed them out later on but the truth is that I LEFT THEM ON THE BLOODY KITCHEN TABLE and as I won't be going back to school later I was mighty p.....d off I can tell you. All that rushing for nothing.

Still it beats what I was doing at 7.30 yesterday morning which was lying in bed and listening to poor old Tom having a bout of anxiety. It went a bit like this:

Why am I giving up journalism. A great job on a national newspaper. Why are we leaving such a great community. Look how much we've done to our house and someone else is going to enjoy it. What if it doesn't work out. What if we don't like it down there ................and you can imagine the rest.

Poor Tom he really does not like change and he always says that if it weren't for me he'd still be living in a flat in London. Anyway, I managed to calm him down with words like:

Just think you'll be home every night and no more b&b's in London. It's a great company and look at all the perks like bonuses, life insurance, pension, relocation. If there's no chance of promotion at the newspaper (because you live too far away to do a full week and would hate the hours anyway) what's the point of staying as a reporter for the next x number of years. We'll be able to go to Europe/the coast/London more easily. Amber needs to go to a bigger school and so it went on until I realised we had half an hour before we left for school and I had to get the children up ...........

As you can see I don't have a problem with change but he did set me off yesterday morning and I felt teary all day. It's a good job that I'm positive about this move because I do have to see all of my family through it. Amber's anxious that no-one will like her - to which I respond with a don't be so ridiculous (probably not the most comforting of words) and Rohan announced yesterday that we ought to stay here and not take such a big risk as moving to a new place and new school. To which I heard Amber say - don't be so ridiculous!

It's fun times here.

Anyway, I wanted to show you what we had for supper last night:

it's a sort of Chicken Cassoulet (sorry for the bad pic) and to make enough for five/six you need the requisite amount of chicken thighs (one each for children perhaps and two for adults).

Dust them with paprika and fry in a pan to brown with about 5 cloves of garlic left in their skins. Remove to a casserole. Add sliced carrots and about half a pound of haricot beans soaked overnight. Season and pour over about half a pint of stock. Cover with a lid and cook at Gas mark 5 until the chicken is cooked. There might be too much liquid in which case put the casserole on the gas and reduce a bit. Before serving squidge all that yummy garlic out of it's case and mix into the sauce. Serve with mash.

Next day you can have any left over beans and carrots for lunch:

followed by last night's lemon meringue pie:

I can handle anything after a slice of that.

I meant to tell you that we've decided to have a Ceilidh after all on Sunday 17th - it seemed the best way to have lots of people together and the most fun. As Julie said in an email what does the cost matter as long as you have the memories. So we've hired the folksy local band, everyone is bringing food and drink, friends are decorating the hall and other's will help organise food on the night and tidy up after. I'm so pleased ..........

Fed Up and Nibbling

I say this every time I have a give-away - It's so hard. You just want to send something to everyone that leaves a comment. Because I've found it difficult yet again, I decided to split the chunky green wool into two 4oz skeins to send to two people and then I found another green skein of aran weight wool that I've decided to give-away too. Plus I had one more bag of plant dyed fibre lurking. Hmmm, that made SIX names to pick out of the hat and this is who they were:

Rose gets the Elderflower Cordial; Emma gets one skein of chunky wool and Jam Sandwich the other; Lali gets the new skein of wool which is this:

Ana gets the blanket and fibre and finally Claudia gets the extra packet of fibre. Congratulations to you all. Ladies please send me your addresses.

OK onto more serious stuff then. The Estate Agent came around to take photos etc and to confirm the asking price and her fee. All well and good except that she asked if we'd had any work done on the house? Only practically re-built the damn thing. Well, did you get planning permission if you needed it AND did you comply with building's regs?

Thankfully, we did get planning permission but like most people we hired a local builder/friend to do the work and we didn't get building regs approval on a couple of things. After she left I went into a complete and utter depression which is not like me (mind you she did give me the worse case scenario). So we ended up getting a surveyor around to advise us (more worse case scenario) and then an architect/planner to see if we could get it retrospectively if need be. Which, we can ofcourse but everyone says these guys can make you take things down (ie windows), dig up foundations if they want to - which is what depressed me.

God I hate bureaucracy. I appreciate why these regs are in place - to stop cowboy builders and to stop people being misled when they buy a house. .........THERE WAS A HUGE RANT HERE WHICH I'VE DELETED! I couldn't put you through it ..............

Anyway, I was stark staring mad and depressed all at the same time but I have calmed down now. Tom says I've got too much time on my hands and although he's pissed off about it all, work does keep it off his mind.

So, I'm trying to turn my thoughts to other things like whether to have some sort of do before we move and with this in mind I made a list of friends I wanted to invite. As usual I ended up with about 30 adults and 70 children! Well, there's no way I'm hosting that here. The garden is a quagmire and I can't think how I'll contain all those children. Another idea I had was to bring my barn dance plan forward (I wanted it for my 50th) and have it as a leaving do. I called the local band yesterday and they charge £400 and aren't sure if they're free on the date I want. Sooooo - what to do? Maybe I should just have an adults only thing one evening OR invite my really close friends over one lunchtime OR go out with them one evening. Oh blinking heck - too many choices.

Next week we are off down south to look at the new school (waldorf), have interviews and to view some rental properties. For the rest of the week I must stop nibbling, be positive about the house - after all it's a great house in a great location and everything will be fine. Oh and I must stop shouting at the children. I was so fed up yesterday and as usual they were telling on each other, bothering each other, you name it and I just went mad and shouted so much my bloody throat hurt. Oh, God help me get through the next four weeks ................

I must say thanks very much for the book recommendations before I go. I've been checking them out on Amazon but meanwhile I've started Onions in the Stew by Betty MacDonald - she's such a lovely writer. I think I'll get The Time Traveller's Wife next as so many of you have recommended it?

Has anyone read 'We Need to Talk About Kevin'? It was serliaised on Radio Four last week and I'm wondering whether to read it. Not sure if I'll be able to hack it in my current, fragile state of mind.

The timer is beeping and I've just taken this out of the oven. It's mincemeat slice:

and it's like the Crank's recipe that had stewed dates or apricots in the middle with flour/oats/butter/sugar above and below. I guess I'm off to do some more nibbling then ..............

Two hundredth post

I seem to have gotten into a routine in my old age of winding down from all that manic crafting pre Christmas and just sitting by the fire of an evening in January and catching up on reading. I can't actually bear the sight of a sewing needle at the moment so the break is most welcome.

So far I've re-read The Lost Art of Keeping Secrets; The Friday Night Knitting Club and I'm currently on Eat, Pray and Love by Elizabeth Gilbert - a book that my friend Wylie sent to me in the autumn. I found myself in Waterstones on Friday afternoon and I thought I'd get something to read next but I have to confess that NOTHING caught my eye. So if anyone has any good book recommendations I'd love to hear them.

We put our house on the market on Friday and Tom and I decided last night that we would move in the middle of half term whether we had sold the place or not. I'm sure we will have a buyer by then and the reason for not waiting for completion is that we all just want to get down there and get on with our lives. I also want the children to have as much time at their new school as they can.

So next week I need to phone removals companies for quotes and letting agents in the new place. I think that the next calendar month is going to whizz by (we're planning to move on 21st).

Tom spent today chucking stuff out of both outside sheds - he can be very ruthless unlike me. I've had a clear out of my sewing room and only managed to fill a small bag for the tip. Mind you I am being ruthless over some of the stuff that I've made or dyed and I've decided that this being my two hundredth post I will have a give-away - by way of celebration of course and to say thanks to you for putting up with me for so long.

So first off I have some plant dyed chunky wool, about 400g which should be enough for a child's jersey. It's a gorgeous green - dyed with turmeric/pomegranate and indigo:

I also have a bottle of elderflower cordial which I did buy to send to one of my American friends (but I can't remember who!) so it's here waiting to go back in it's packaging and be posted:

and finally a small bundle of plant dyed blanket and a bag of my plant dyed fibre:

I can't believe that I've written two hundred posts and actually been happy for you to read them. I still remember that feeling of 'who's going to want to read what I have to say?' Mind you that hasn't totally gone away but these days I do just write, click the send button and hope for the best. I don't re-read and edit as I used to.

As usual to win any of these goodies you need to leave a comment at the end of this post. I'll pick three names out a hat and let you know in a few days time .........

A wonderful weeekend

This last weekend was so special what with the snow and the enjoyment that brings. The children were in and out all day sledging or playing. I kept up a constant supply of food like these bacon baps for lunch:

The baps are just a white bread dough with some lard rubbed in and a milk and water mixture rather than pure water.

Then on Sunday we had our friends over (surrogate parent ones) and had a lovely meal of roast chicken followed by steamed treacle sponge and custard.  We then had a call from friends up the lane who wanted us to come over for tea so we could tell them all about our move.

I feel like I'm starting to say goodbye to people already. Someone in the village looked at our house on Saturday afternoon although we've only just had it valued today and if they do decide to go for it we could be out of here in six weeks. Oh my goodness.

Meanwhile I've put in an application for the waldorf school where we'll be going and I'm waiting for interviews. I think we'll probably go and rent for a while whilst we look around the area to see if we want to live in a town or village. I feel with the children getting older that a town might be better but it would have to be a small place.

I've slowly started to have a clear out and I think I'm going to have some craft stuff to sell and to give away which will coincide with my next post which will be my 200th. I think I'll have to be ruthless and make up bags for the charity shop too. It's a great opportunity to clear the clutter isn't it? So keep a look out soon as I have some plant dyed blanket, plant dyed knitting wool and a few books. Might have some fabric too.

In my doll making lesson this morning some of the children were really sweet and said they'd miss me and that my lesson was the best. Aghhh. In case I felt big headed the boys put me in my place and told me they were celebrating. That's after they'd all finished cooing over Amber's doll that I took in as an example:

She made this last year in Class 7 (aged thirteen) and it's turned out really nicely. The girls especially liked the doll's underwear:

Hey, did I tell you I was reading the Friday Night Knitting Club?

Well I finished it last night and I do not like the ending. I was sitting there blubbing for ages. Has anyone else read it? I do recommend it if you haven't. It's very well written and that sitting around the table with a group of women, chatting and crafting really speaks to some primitive instinct in me. Not all the characters are well developed but that's OK. It's a quick and easy read and a lovely story about female friendships, about love and forgiveness. Apparently, it's going to be made into a film and I think it might be THE one that finally drags me to the pictures after eight years!

Is that weird - not having been to the cinema for eight years? I know my children think it is.

The big news

I do finally have some news for you but firstly I have to tell you that IT SNOWED. Yes, it really snowed last night - at long last. You need to know that we hardly ever get snow in this neck of the woods to understand how excited we were.

It had been raining all day and then about four o'clock it turned into sleet and then snow. The boys got the sledges out despite the darkness and managed a couple slides down the hill and Tom went out early to get Amber who had gone to the pictures. For some reason he took a spade with him which was just as well as he had to grit a few lanes as he went along. He ended up leaving his car at the top of the hill because it just wouldn't get down. They both walked in hours later with Amber looking completely bedraggled. At fourteen she wasn't exactly dressed for the weather as you can imagine.

By seven it had turned back to rain and just as I was ladling out lasagna the power went out. So all seven of us ate in the dark. Luckily the Aga is on oil so Amber made some toffee popcorn and biscuits and we sat in front of the wood burner all evening eating and playing silly games. It was such fun and all the more so because we had guests. I think the power came back on around 2am.

This morning there was more sledging as there'd been a frost in the night and Rohan even managed to make a snowman:

Now we'll be content for a while I think having had our fill of snow.

To get back to more important matters then, our big news is that we are moving. Moving to the southeast as Tom has been offered a job down there. Back in November he was called by a head hunter and told about this particular job and although he loves being a journalist on a national newspaper he hates being away from home every week. Also papers don't pay that well and the benefits are rubbish. So he decided to go for it and to see what happened. It was such a long process and he met about four or five people right up to the Chairman. We were given the impression that he was the favourite (and maybe only) candidate so we had a long long talk last month about it. I was dying to mention it here but thought that Amber might read one of your comments by chance. I didn't want to tell the children until it was definite. Then finally on Thursday night Tom got the offer and we knew it was on.

As you can imagine it's been a bit stressful thinking that you're probably going but not really sure. We found it hard to concentrate on doing up the stable so in the end we didn't do it as we had planned (the mezzanine floor, electrics etc) leaving that up to the next people. As you know poor Tom did a heck of a lot of cleaning over Christmas as he just felt he was in limbo. Also we were keeping it from the children and friends and that was hard.

Well, I told the children, the school, friends and some neighbours yesterday and everyone has been so shocked. The boys cryed as did our young friend who's now at Uni. Lots of people at school are sad too. I'm really touched that everyone's going to miss us.

As I keep saying to everyone this is just the beginning of another chapter in our lives. It means that Tom will be at home in the evenings, he'll have a proper pension and we'll have more money. It's really sad that we're leaving here especially after all the work we've done on the place. I didn't even get to use the stable as my studio but never mind, it wasn't meant to be I guess. The hardest thing will be leaving my friends.

However, I'm really looking forward to being nearer London if I'm honest and to more opportunities for me. I've loved living in the Cotswolds but it's meant that I've been stuck at home most of the time and now it's time to think of me and see what's around for me to do. I'm not sure at this stage if we'll live in a small town or another village so I think we'll probably sell our house and go down there and rent for a while. I think we'll be about an hour away from the big smoke where we are.

I've got two estate agents coming over on Monday and Tuesday to value the house and this morning we had a phone call from parents at the school who came over to see the house. They loved it of course but need to see how much it'll be. At this rate we may well be moving in mid February. Oh my goodness ...........

I leave you with a picture of King Winter and his minder who seems to spend most of his time sleeping (and not minding):

Television advice

Oh my gosh you're all so wonderful you really are. Who better than you to share your ideas about television and respond to my plea for some advice. Tom and I both enjoyed getting your feedback and more than a few comments made us really think. Some made me laugh like Georgia's that started "You really are rebelling against the 21st century aren't you" and Kate's comment that said better the telly than boys at this age - that put the thing into perspective a bit.

Ali pointed me towards BBC iplayer and before you could say 'shall we get a telly then' Amber had downloaded it, and the Channel Four one and was watching something she felt she couldn't live without. I know just how she's going to be when and if we get a television. The thing that's coming up for me is that without a TV we can live without most of the programmes. OK we miss the odd good thing but even that you can catch up on the internet these days. I fear what will happen with a telly in the house is this: someone will look through the listings and exclaim that there's a programme about Kate Moss or some cricketer for example. Let's watch it to see what he/she's like and so we watch it and then there's something else about the history of the pop song etc etc. We will, or rather the children will want to watch stuff that they can live without. How often will I say NO you don't need to watch that?

Then on the other hand I don't want the children to feel weird amongst their friends and cousins and I do want them to have a shared cultural experience so I guess the jury is still out. Half of me doesn't want to have the TV and the other half thinks we ought to get one and restrict viewing. I suspect the latter is what we will do in the end. Meanwhile I'm going to buy us some more time while Amber catches up with iplayer.

Thanks again for sharing your thoughts and opinions with me I really appreciate it.

PS Hoping to have some news later today or in the morning. Damn, I've built this blooming thing up so much I hope you won't be disappointed.

Some advice needed

I thought I'd be sitting around moping this week (as I usually do after any school holiday) but this time my feet have hardly touched the ground.

I happened to be in the school office on Monday morning when they were trying to juggle everything around three teachers being off sick. Suddenly I heard this voice, which sounded very much like mine, saying "If you need any help just call me" and guess what? They did call later that day to ask me to help with two classes and I went into a mini panic. What do you do with waldorf children that can knit, crochet, sew and felt in their sleep? I had a few ideas but none that would only take an hour and a half so in the end I decided to make scotty dogs with them. I have a bunch of these on my dresser and everyone always admires them:

and the children made these for a friend last year:

So yesterday morning I spent two hours - yes, two hours cutting out dog shapes whilst listening to Radio Four:

and then it was a mad dash to school as I'd cut it rather fine. Needless to say that I came home at one and collapsed on the sofa before dashing off to Rohan's piano lesson at four and the supermarket in between. It was a mad day yesterday. I have another class this morning but I'm actually more prepared for this one thank goodness and tomorrow Raj is going to a friend's house so I have the WHOLE day to myself. Hooray. I'm going to sit on the sofa and read The Friday Night Knitting Club me thinks and eat lots of chocolate - I deserve it.

Did I tell you that the hot topic in our house at the moment is shall we get a telly? Now this has been broached before but only half heartedly by Amber but this year it's her and her brother. Rohan wants to watch sport and Doctor Who and hates going up to neighbour's to watch any big matches that are on. Amber wants to watch - well anything I guess but especially banal American crap as we jokingly call it. (It came from Amber's obsession with Friends and Tom said it was just banal A crap. I must tell you that having watched a few episodes he actually likes it which was a bit of a victory for Amber - still the description has stayed).

Anyway, back to angst over getting a telly. Tom and I actually love not having one. We wish we could see the odd programme but on the whole it's lovely without a goggle box in the sitting room. I guess the children are getting to an age where they want to watch things especially if their peers are (Amber is 14 and Rohan is nearly 12). We do watch videos and DVDs but that doesn't seem to be enough for them now (we don't have an aerial to watch telly if you're wondering).

So what do we do? We have children that want to watch telly and adults who don't really care.

I've been asking myself why telly has become an issue and as Amber keeps asking - what's our problem with it? If I'm honest I'm worried that the children will want to watch it all the time so it'll just become another battleground. I also love not having it there as a temptation for me. I'm wondering if I'll want to watch it too!  It's bad enough having the computer as a distraction. The other half of me says what's wrong with them watching telly - you did when you were young and look at you now (no wisecracks please!).

We've talked to the children about our feelings and of course they assure us that we can have boundaries and just say No if we don't want them to watch something. Maybe I should ask them to put that in writing. I think if we did get a set then everyone would be obsessed with it at first but maybe that would calm down after a while. But as I said if Amber does end up watching lots is that a problem? I'm sure she'll stop as soon as she gets a social life. I think I'm also worried about the quality of stuff that's on these days. Is any of it really worth watching?

It's funny but on Saturday we had tea with my surrogate parents as I call them (I went out with their son many, many years ago) and we were telling them that we might get a telly. They were really surprised and told us that they always told their friends about our family that had no telly and did and made such lovely things. You should have seen Amber's face - she's doesn't want to be that sort of family these days.

So what do you think? Any advice? Is telly really that bad in England? If you have teenagers is it possible to have boundaries and stick to them? Am I making too much of this (I have a real knack for making a drama into a crisis)? Do you wish you didn't have a telly? Will it end up dominating our lives? I'd love to hear your views on the subject ...........

PS No news yet I'm afraid and also Amber's dress was the princely sum of NINE pounds in case you're wondering.

Don't suck me back in - yet

Can't you just tell that I'm resisting coming back into the real world? For the last three weeks I've just been chilling out with the family mainly at home although we've made the odd foray into Cheltenham and Bristol to buy a new hoover and toaster (both of which conked out over Christmas) and some other bits and bobs in the sale.

But twelfth night was always looming in the distance as was Monday 7th January when the children go back to school. So we took down the tree on Saturday, the decorations, got the children to take their pressies up to their rooms and gave the sitting room a darned good clean:

Well, OK it was Tom who did it all because I was washing a fleece at the time. You know it's so funny but my husband is finding that in times of stress what he likes to do is - CLEAN. Can you believe it? This is the man who rarely did any cleaning when we were first married but it was obviously there, this manic desire to create order and clean. It must have been buried under layers of something or other. Sadly, when I'm stressed I like to nibble which is a shame because I could do with losing a few pounds now. Wouldn't it be great - not eating excess sweet things and getting some exercise whilst cleaning. Nah, still doesn't appeal to me I'm afraid.

Anyway, I am dying to tell you about this thing he's stressing about but I can't just yet cos I haven't even told the children. But don't worry it's good news or will be when it happens and I promise I'll share it with you asap. I feel like Darcy (Colin Firth that is) when he went to tell Elizabeth that he loved her and said something about not being able to hold it in any longer cos I've been holding this damn thing in for months now. If I don't change the subject right now I'll blurt it out ...............

Quick change of subject then - guess where the males of the household are today? They've all gone up to London to watch Fulham play Bristol Rovers. Rohan is a huge Fulham fan on account of his being born at the Chelsea and Westminster and his best friend is a Bristol Rovers fan. When they found out that both teams were playing Rohan begged us to take him but we said No because we thought it would cost a bomb. In actual fact the children's tickets were only £5 each. We gave the boys tickets for Christmas and there was one scarey moment when Rohan pressed redial on the phone and it took him to the Fulham Ticket hotline. Boy did I have to lie through the teeth that day and I made a great cock and bull story up that he actually believed.

Amber and I have been lolling about doing nothing in particular but trying to keep warm as it's so damn cold at the moment. She's now straightening her hair (latest fad) and I'm trying not to think about tomorrow morning.

Talking of straightened hair did I ever show you the beautiful taffeta dress* that I bought for her for Christmas? Well, here it is:

It's absolutely gorgeous and shimmers in the most delightful way. Sadly, it just fits her and there's no room for growth or pudding for that matter!  I thought she could dress up in it if she wanted to as she doesn't have any parties to wear it too. Just for a laugh have a guess at how much it was?

* I found it on ebay as the song goes (you gotta click here if you haven't heard the song by Weird Al) it's a gem.