Help - I'm having a crisis.

Isn't it amazing how things happen and they shake you up something rotten and then you look back and say "I'm so glad that happened" because they help you to stop, reflect and move on?

In the last fourteen days I've been shaken to my core as you know by some criticism. Then seven days ago one of our kittens got knocked over in front of our very eyes and we spent most of Sunday crying. On top of that Amber said something which hit me like a bolt. I was telling her off for shouting at her brothers and she said something like, well what about you, you shout at us about the most trivial of things. I sat with that comment, and cried over the cat last Sunday and to finish it all off Ali sent me a list of questions about why we blog which set me thinking on that front.

It all went into the great big melting pot that is my overactive brain and for the last few days I've really been reflecting on who I am and what I do. It occurred to me that for the last year or so I have been living out of integrity. What is integrity? To me it's honouring my word and my commitments. It's being true to my principles and to myself.  You see fourteen years ago I made a commitment to stay at home and bring up my children and somewhere along the line I forgot that. Because I forgot to make a commitment to myself at the same time, to nurture myself in the process, the last few years have left me drained and empty.

I noticed (as I reflected) how I was desperate to have time to myself these days and to do things that were just mine. Cue the crafting and the blog - both served to fill an emptiness in me. They were things that I did for myself and were separate from the family. They gave me a sense of individuality that I had lost being at home. All was fine at first. My priority was still the home and I crafted after the children went to bed. Then I started selling at the christmas fair and during the autumn term I sewed madly whenever I could but I always new that it would stop at the beginning of December. It meant that I was free to concentrate on a great advent and christmas and in the new year the children and I played and mucked around with never a sight of a sewing needle. I had time to read and knit in a leisurely fashion too.

But then came blogging and like most of you I threw myself into it with gusto. What a world there was out there and so many like minded people. What crafts and patterns and ideas floated around in blogosphere. Hungrily, greedily I lapped it all up and for a while it filled the void that had developed over the years. The balance was fine at first but when you have a blog you need something to write about don't you and as mine was a craft blog I found myself making things all year round. That was great at first. Look at what I've learned and done over the whole eighteen months of blogging - the plant dyeing, all the softies I've made, the dolls, the felted jumper bags, etc etc. It's been wonderful to have really stretched my crafting skills and to have discovered other talents. But more than that look at the great connections I've made through the blog and all the lovely comments I get. Let's not forgot my amazing holiday either.

However, I began to find that thinking about what to write, the words to use, actually writing a post, reading my comments and replying to them and finally reading other blogs and commenting began to take over my life a bit. I also made myself a craft room and whereas once I sat at the kitchen table and sewed, chatting with the children all the while, I was now often esconsed in my room. Suddenly the balance shifted without me noticing.

The events of the last two weeks then have thrown all this up in my face and thank goodness too. I've realised that I've been spreading myself too thinly and that I really need to re-assess my commitments and then to find a balance in my life. I'm not sure what I'll decide about blogging and crafting to be honest. At the moment I just need a break from it all. I can't imagine not making things anymore so I guess that I may just slow down a bit on that front but as for blogging .........hmmm. I'm not sure whether to stop or continue.

I'd be very interested in hearing your comments on that and also to know how you find balance in your lives. Thank you friends for reading my mid-life whatever and sorry for the lack of photos ..............

Comments

[simone]

Simmy. Please, please don't stop blogging. It would be like losing a friend. No, I would be losing a friend. By all means have a long break or don't write so often, but please do not stop altogether. Whatever you decide, let me tell you now that your blog has brought me a lot of comfort and joy over the past year. X

[Donna]

In many ways, I think my crafting is what helped me find balance with my family. Some of the other things I was doing--going out with friends, obsessively sitting onilne--really distanced me from them. Sewing and creating has giving me something productive to do both for them and me. And even having my own sewing room has helped--generally they are allowed in there with me, either to sew, or color, or sometimes just talk, although lately I've been trying to occasionally take an hour or so where I shut the door and try and get some work done. And blogging is my one real connection with other people, I'm not very social and I can't imagine no longer blogging.

While I would hate to see you stop blogging, I know you need to do what is right for you and your family. It might be helpful to take a little holiday from blogging just to assess exactly what it means to you. Good luck to you--it's obvious from your writing just how important your family is to you and I hope you are able to find the balance you are seeking.

[Donna]

Oh, and I am so sorry about your little kitten, I can't imagine how difficult that must have been. We live on a somewhat busy street and every so often our indoor cat sneaks out, it's one of my biggest fears she will dash in the street.

[Laura]

wow simmy, it sounds like you are having a really hard time. i am sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed. i haven't been blogging long at all, but i have noticed that despite all the positive aspects, it does adds stress to my life. i really want to be a part of this community, and it is hard to do that if i don't post/comment often! we all have so many dimensions to our lives, it is so hard to balance everything. it sounds like you are trying to figure out your own balance and i wish you luck in doing so. laura

[Robbie]

I don't think I have ever commented here but I've been reading for several months now. I like your blog, your crafts, and you a lot. I would miss your addition to the blog-o-sphere. I think everyone at one point or another goes through what you are going through in relation to blogging. And, now, is when you decide what you want to do with it. Define the experience for yourself.

[liz]

I have no advice.

Mothers have guilt, it's not always specific, but it's almost always there, it varies in intensity and it's almost always there...

You are doing you best. It's as much as you can do.

I could go on and on (and on) but there is no point... you will find your way and priorities.

Most of all be honest with yourself.

Love and light to you.

[willowcaroline]

I think it all depends on who you are blogging for. Is it a duty? Is it for your audience?

I blog to keep a record of my life, not for an audience. And I am fine with few comments and fine with not posting if life gets busy. But when I want to review where i have been, I can. When I need to be present with the children, I can.

If you enjoy blogging, and enjoy the record it leaves, then do it for yourself whenever it fits in.

Mothering ebbs and flows... some seasons need more mothering, others don't. I also work full time, so sometimes I am able to blog, others I cannot even think about doing it. And for me, that is okay, because again, it is all for my own benefit anyway.

[Marsha]

I love reading your blog. Your creativeness and your honesty inspire me all the time. I would be saddened to see you stop.

But if you find yourself wondering whether or not to continue blogging...well...maybe you shouldn't, at least for a while. Take a break.

Don't blog out of a sense of responsibility to your readers. Blog because you find it fulfilling for YOU. If it's not longer fulfilling (or is so only at detriment to other parts of your life...and therefore ends up being indirectly unfulfilling anyway), then don't do it.

[PG]

That is awful, losing your kitten like that, I am not surprised you are feeling out of it, you are dealing with your shock and grief AND your children's too...

I think you should keep blogging, but not to feel guilty if you don't do it all the time. I only blog about once a week, and recently I went for two weeks without posting. It actually made no difference whatsoever to the amount of traffic or comments I got through my blog! Balance is a variable thing - I am not a mother, so I have no idea of what that entails- I imagine it can take over your whole life. But I do run my card company, work as an artist, and seperately as an illustrator, and various other things - I try to concentrate on what needs my attention at the time, the good old juggling act - if I don't have time to blog, then just a photo and a short paragraph will do - it doesn't have to be Shakespeare :) Personally I need my blog for friendship and connections. So I would not give it up - I think (my ha'pporth) you should try to relax about the blog thing and realise that it isn't the end of the world if you don't post as often. Really. Then you get to keep Everything!

[julie]

You've had a bit of a rough time there Simmy - I'm not surprised that it's had you deeply questioning where you are right now. As for balance in life - I'm still striving for some so I've no useful advice to offer there but I did find myself nodding when I read that you feel the balance has shifted too far away from your original aims of bringing up a family. Creating and blogging are wonderful and I can't imagine life without either but together they take up a large chunk of time and can often eat into time I feel I should be spending with the kids. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in your feelings and that I really hope you find that you can keep on blogging occassionally whilst getting the balance right for you. Good luck with thinking everything through and don't be too harsh on yourself xxx

[dottycookie]

I can sympathise - I think a lot of us are guilty of spreading ourselves too thinly. I'd be really sad if you stopped blogging - but far more sad if you carried on because you felt you ought to, or if it was making you miserable. It sounds like you have had just a horrible, awful couple of weeks, and I am so sorry.

[Ali]

Hmmm - you've had a big couple of weeks haven't you.

It's funny, we've been blogging almost exactly the same length of time and it sounds as if our motivation behind starting (something just for me) came from a similar place.

When I wrote my answers to that meme, I thought a lot about the life cycle of a crafty blog. I am still unsure as to what the logical conclusion will be for me.

Is blogging just like any other project we are drawn to? We are inspired, we dabble, learn, become more accomplished and then some new challenge takes our eye and we move on.

Or is the blog a vehicle in it's own right? A habit, like brushing our teeth? A minor vice, which is not without its costs, but on balance makes us happy?

I think it's a question we will all have to face at some point. I'm just so sorry if in some way, I pushed you into a crunch point decision about it.

You do realize if you stop blogging now, I am going to get hate mail, don't you?

Hugs.

[Ellen]

I totally understand because I'm feeling similar in many respects. Too many things I want to do, too many things I need to do, too many responsibilities and not enough time and struggling with mixing it all together so it will be a pleasing aroma. I think the danger is when I find myself resentful (of situations, of people, of family, of children - I too, stay at home and have made that commitment). Then I need to step back and take a deep breath and pray.
In terms of blogging... I would miss your blog, but perhaps a hiatus would be good. Lots of bloggers take a hiatus - 1 week or 2 or 3 or 1 month or more. That's okay. Then when you return, you feel refreshed.

[Sue]

Oh you cant stop blogging. I love reading your posts about your wonderful family and all the adventures that you have. You help fill a void in my life too when I am home whilst the children are at school, and I feel lonely. It feels like having a chat with someone who I can relate to. I am so sorry about your little kitten too, how horrible and I know exactly how you feel. I hope the children are okay. I do hope that your mood lifts and you feel happier soon, and dont feel guilty about blogging if it makes you happy. Everyone needs something that is just theirs.

[Christiane Payton]

Simmy - it sounds like you are having about as good a 2007 as I am. I usually don't celebrate New Years, but you can rest assured that this year, I will be whooping and hollering, happy that 2007 is over and done with.

When I am in a bad place emotionally, I try to get back to basics. For me, those are beauty and wonder. They move me, they motivate me and they make me grateful for the things I have. The beauty of the natural world around me - of my youngest child snoring in his pillow, of the red clouds as the sun rises and the black feathers of my favorite chicken.

Drink some red wine, eat some chocolate and don't sweat the small stuff.

[Marie]

Simmy, I am so sorry to hear about your kitten. That would knock the stuffing out of anyone. {{{HUGS}}} We all need things in our lives that are just for us, little pleasures that we can enjoy. It's not being greedy or selfish to want those things and to indulge ourselves from time to time in them. I, for one, would hate to see you stop blogging. That is my selfish side coming out there. The side of me that cares though says that if you feel that you need to step back and prioritize your life in a different way then we should all support you and allow you to do that without trying to pressurize you to do differently. At the end of the day you MUST do what you MUST do and only you know what that is. I, for one would really miss you and am really hoping there is a happy compromise somewhere. xxoo

[Reethi]

I'm single, so its a bit easier to be self-indulgent. But, I do know that I'm no fun to be around if I don't have 'me' time.

But in that time, do the things that are fun, don't do the things that aren't.

Sometimes, blogging is fun for me. Sometimes, not so much. So I'll go through periods of silence, but that works for me...

[Cathy]

So sorry you've had such a bad couple of weeks. It is so hard to get the balance right when you are a mother, but it is also very important to make time for yourself. I haven't been blogging for long, so I can't comment on that specifically, but it is the same as everything else - you have to try to fit in what you can. Try taking a little break and see how you feel. It might be that you really miss it and when things calm down you can come back to it, or you may find newly discovered time for other things. Whatever you decide - good luck. Just remember most women feel guilty about something most of the time.
Best wishes
Cathy X

[Kassia]

Simmy,

It would be so sad to see your blog disappear! I suppose the question is to ask why you are blogging. Is it an outlet to express yourself and organize your thoughts? If so, don't reply to comments anymore. That would probably save you loads of time. Are you doing it to make friends? Then maybe decrease the time between posts and maybe select just a few comments to reply to each post...

I'm sorry that you're having a rough time right now. I think everyone goes through patches, so please don't feel too bad, and remember that things will get better. Take some time off and take care of yourself.

Here's a thought...raising your children against the mainstream is tough and leaves you open to lots and lots of criticism everyday from all over the place. I suppose it eventually wears you down and makes you more susceptible to the small stuff. It can be draining sometimes for sure. I wish I had an answer for you.

Hugs.

[Peggy]

At this time of Autumn Equinox we pause in balance and then make choices. It seems right to stop and reflect.
I believe there's a need in the world for other women to see what you do and the conscious way in which you approach life. But I know, too, that these years with your children living at home are over in what seems like a blink of an eye.
Grateful Blessings.

[monica]

ah... the old balance thing. I think it's a question that we all put to ourselves sooner or later. I think that sometimes things shift and move in our life and the balances need to be re-addressed. This whole blog thing sometimes does take over... and it's a normal feeling for a mother to be spread thinly. Who doesn't feel like that at times? Just do what feels right for you at this moment. Need a break? take a break. Want to post once a month?week?day? Just do it. Blog to live (better, a fuller life, more challenging and fun)... just don't live to blog. It wouldn't be worth it.

[Jo]

Finding that balanced life thing is not easy and it's not a once and for all thing either - some days I feel like I'm juggling jelly and chainsaws whilst trying to keep my balance on a floating barrel...& those are the good days! :-) (the bad ones are mostly spent going "glug, glug, glug" trying to get back to the suface...)
So, whether you take a break from crafting or blogging or both, reduce your other commitments, chill out for a while, none of these moves need to be permanent, very few decisions are truly irreversible or unchangeable.
If you stop blogging I know that your words and inspiration will be missed by many, but I'm just as sure that we'll all be happy for you that you'll have tweaked things to better suit what you and your family need right now...
Sending you all hugs also for the loss of your poor kitty - know how that feels, horrible for you all.
Best wishes, Jo

[Helen Shields]

Simmy it sounds like you are going through what most mothers and women go through on a fairly regular basis. I have three children under 7, a husband who is in the RAF and works away through the week. I craft at home to try and keep us afloat finacially as it is really the only thing I can fit in with children (my youngest is still only doing half days at school). The whole balance issue is something I have struggled with and just as I think I have cracked it we turn a new corner and it all changes again. I blog but only every once in a while for family and friends but also for me. I would love to be in the deep end of the blog community but it would only add another pressure I don't need right now. I would love to craft for me and my children and home but work often pushes that out of reach. You have to decide what is right for you, sit with you husband and children and discuss what family means to them and what they love most about you as a person, you might be surprised. (my children love that I create and it inspires them, that in itself is a wonderful achievement for me.) Stepping back from things is often the best thing to do to see what calls you the strongest and from that you will find what makes you whole as well as connecting you as a piece in the family jigsaw. Good luck to you and remember not to beat yourself up, through you blog you can tell what a loving and caring mother you are and that you are a warm person anyone would be grateful to know.

[martha]

like all the other mothers commenting, i find it hard to find a balance in making time for myself and taking care of family, and all that involves. It is so easy to feel guilty for taking that time to yourself and to feel like you should be doing a hundred other things instead of taking those moments for yourself. it seems like there are so many women reading your blog and enjoying what you are doing, but i guess my advice would be to look at why you are blogging, and crafting. are you doing it for yourself, or are you doing it for other people? also, i would look at how your blog has developed - has it changed from when you initially started writing? it seems like you wanted your blog to be a way for you to share the things you like doing and creating, but if that has changed are you happy with the way it has changed? i love reading your blog and would be sad if you decided to close it, but it be even more unfortunate if you continued blogging just becuase others wanted you to keep it going - it shouldn't feel like a chore or your job to write (or craft for that matter). i agree with the others who say taking a hiatus wouldn't be the end of the world; it's always okay to take time out and figure out where you want things to be going.

[Romina]

Dear sweet Simmy:

I just want to thank you because your blog has brought to my life lots of inspiration, I have enjoyed reading your blog since the first time and I consider you and all the other blogs I read as my friends. We will miss you if you decide to stop blogging... but you have to listen your interior voice and make the desicion you think is the best for you.

Thank you for the tutorials you posted, you nurture our lives. I havent done the Waldorf dolls yet but they are in my list of proyects. I dont have a Blog yet.
Sorry if my English is not good enough. Im Mexican :)

You are in our hearts.
God bless you always!!

Sincerily

ROMINA